Obama's wedding
by DementedShreks
Summary: Obama has finally met his true love... but how will Michelle and the rest of America respond?


Barack Obama sat in the Oval Office, pretending to work on presidential president stuff, but in all reality he was having heated fantasies. Not about Michelle, but about his true love, Bread. The only reason he was still married to Michelle was because she told the country about her love for sweet potatoes. Preferably, his sweet potato. He hoped the message would travel to a 12-year-old boy in Virginia, the one he truly loved.

The way he met his love was extraordinary, even though his love didn't meet him back. He was looking through his instagram activity, sad after attackonbread ruined his self esteem. He saw that Bread had liked his photo, and decided to stalk his instagram page.

Last night, after two months of stalking, he decided to send a direct message to Bread, confessing his love and inviting him to live at the White House. He opened it and never responded, so Obama was worried.

Obama's photographer walked in and started snapping pictures of him.

"No pictures now, babe. I'm not feeling too sweg."

"Oh sry BB." Obama cringed, because even though he had an affair with the photographer, those were Bread's initials and he loved him more.

"Ohhhhh Barack!❤️" Michelle's voice came from the other room and Barack groaned. If tonight was really going to be the night he married his bæ, then he must tell the truth to Michelle. The truth that he was gayer than the entire hetalia fandom.

"Yo Michelle!" He said, jogging down the stairs.

"Hey, I was thinking... Do u wanna frick frack 2nite!?"

"No way ya nasty little bitch. We've been married for 16 years. Couldn't you tell that I'm gay af!?"

"Whadya mean bae? You obviously aren't gayyyy you married me rite?!" Michelle was furious.

"He's actually been loving me. I'm not only his professional photographer...there are some pictures on my camera that are less professional."

Suddenly, the lights went out and a PowerPoint appeared on the wall with a title that made Barack gasp.

"Pictures of Barack that are... A little less than professional." Barack screamed. Michelle can't see these! She looked excited yet his photographer looked furious. Maybe these pictures weren't what he thought they were. They were at first, and after 54 pictures of his penis flashed on the screen, then a slide that had Obama's secret obsession showed up and everything went downhill from there. Obama screamed and Michelle started yelling furiously.

"I CANNOT BELIEVE I EVER LOVED YOUR PENIS!" She said, tears in her eyes. "YOU GO AND TURN YOUR BACK ON ME TO HAVE SEXY FUN TIME WITH YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER! THEN YOU GO AND TURN YOUR BACK ON HIM TO STALK A TWELVE YEAR OLD BOYS INSTAGRAM PROFILE, AND PRINT OUT PICTURES OF HIM TO SHOVE UP YOUR ASSHOLE! I WANT THOSE PICTURES OUT NOW!" Michelle stormed out and Obama turned to face his photographer.

"How could you, Barack? How could you abandon our love for a little breaded boy?"

"I never loved you. Bread's pictures sit comfortably in my ass." Obama retreated back to his office to cry. He lost the Canadian prime minister, Vladimir Putin, and now his photographer. He needed his breaded bae to come and save him from his ruined circle of affairs. He knew ever since he saw Bread's face that he was the one for him.

"Obama!" He heard the voice of his personal assistant, whom he disliked since he was straighter than a ruler and happily married but hot af.

"Wat do ya want, straight boy?" He asked, exasperated and wiping his tears. His assistant was too straight to see him cry.

"The paper maker is here to see you," The paper maker? Obama didn't want to see him. Paper is too straight for him.

"What do ya want?" He said as the paper maker walked in and stopped immediately. He looked oddly like Bread. He couldn't be though, Obama thought to himself. Paper is too straight of a disguise for someone so gay.

"Would you uhh like to learn about the paper making process?" The paper maker asked nervously and Obama was confused. However, this could be his bæs way of confessing his love.

"Yes." He said excitedly.

"Well, first we take the spatula out of our grandmothers back. Afterwards, we use it to beat our workers for eight hours a day. Sometimes they die, depending on the desired effect. We never forget the main ingredient though, a mammoth."

Obama now knew. He leaped up to kiss Bread, but he was rudely interrupted by Michelle and fifty-four tacos.

"You may have thought I was gone... But I am determined to get those pictures out of your system." Obama and Bread screamed. Bread had been shoving pictures of Obama up himself too!

Michelle took the Taco Bell bags and started to violently pour the contents into her ex-husband and his Bae. They became contaminated with stereotypical Mexican food (poisoning).

Explosive diarrhea was next but the poop was worth it because Obama and Bread got their pictures back. They snogged the poopy pictures and then each other and Michelle was disgusted since they were both covered in their own and each other's runny feces.

They decided to get married next, so Obama hacked all the tv's and websites in America so that their wedding could be watched by all.

They said their vows with the poop all over them and the country was disgusted and furious when Bread became the new First Lady. They started to frickle frackle and Obama was so happy and he planned how well Bread would help him run America. Everyone will get free neon shoes and bread bags to protect them with. America will be beautiful now until 2016, and hopefully for the rest of eternity, for Obama and Bread's love will start a revolution.


End file.
